I just want to get my 2g and 0g plugs already,

but I feel so embarrassed going to the mall. I feel more insecure of myself more than ever and it's obviously taking a toll on me because I feel embarrassed if I'm at a store. A couple of days ago I went to Target and I felt so uncomfortable. If someone looked at me I felt like they were judging me or saying something about my weight and I just wanted to leave already. I can't imagine myself at the mall honestly. Everyone looks at you there and I just feel like an ugly duckling compared to everyone else.

Some of my pants fit a little tighter.

You have no idea how horrible I feel. I just want to cry my eyes out and never go out in public.

Abre tus ojos

I seriously need to get my shit straight when it's involving my body. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I hate looking at myself. I just want to go running from here all the way to the other side of the world nonstop to lose all this unnecessary weight. I said I'd be serious this time with losing weight, but these past couple of days have showed me how I can give two shits about losing weight. I honestly do want to lose weight, more than ever. I feel so horrible for all the stuff I ate today I wish I didn't. I've been so bored in this house that all I've been doing is sitting on the fucking couch on my computer and eat and watch tv. What the fuck am I doing? There's no way I'm going to be a size 1 by September. I need to be so serious about this. I'm doing this for myself because it's the only thing that's holding me back from doing a lot of stuff. I'm just cutting back on everything. Whatever.

I'm worried I will always be alone in my life while everyone else is in a relationship.

Ugh

I hate my body can I just want to be a size 1 by the time school starts.

Why do I even bother.

I shouldn't like him. I mean honestly why would he pay attention to me? There's so many other girls that are prettier than me. So why would he pay special attention to me.

*sigh*

I wish he would though. No. I can't say that. Just because he wanted a hug from me today doesn't mean anything. He gives other girls hugs too. Hugs don't mean that you're interested in someone. He only sees me as a friend. I don't have to second guess that. I know for a fact he'll never like me. I should just not get my hopes up again. I don't want to go on crying about a stupid boy problem again.

Reality check Fabiola. He will never like you.

I don't want to relive the same thing over again.

I don't want to like him because I know it's going to be pointless and I'm just going to be wasting my time. I am trying really hard not to think about him or get feelings toward him because I know he doesn't feel the same way about me regardless what my friend says. I'm just going to end up thinking things he says means he likes me and stuff just like the other guys. I can't afford to waste my time on another guy unless I'm positive he likes me back.